Courting vs. Working

Sometimes individuals are happy to keep their pursuit of romance on the lighter side. A coffee here, a drink there, and a connection that drifts in and out with no real definition might be fulfilling (and somehow not bewildering and anxiety-inducing). Other people are a little more certain. They might be looking for something with more gravity, a meeting of lives as much as a meeting of minds.

The words “courting” vs. “dating” might be tossed around as if they’re the same thing, but there’s a world of difference between them. They’re two styles of dance and each has its own choreography. The key is knowing which song you’re swaying to (or want to be) lest you find yourself tripping over someone else’s footwork. 

Here are a few key things to keep in mind when you’re finding your own romantic rhythm. 

What Is Courting?

Courting is intentional. Not to be confused with being stiff or overly formal, courting is seeing someone with a purpose in mind. It’s the kind of connection where both people are asking themselves if they are approaching a shared destination. 

It looks like:

• Making plans you each look forward to, like a dinner at a sweet restaurant, a Sunday stroll through the art gallery, or tickets to your favourite comedy show
• Thoughtful gestures you each can make, including flowers or handwritten notes
• Introductions to each other’s friends and family members
• Being forthcoming about what you’re hoping for from the relationship

Traditionally, courting tends to move with modesty when it comes to anything physical, but it’s bold when it comes to the emotional bonds of a connection. It’s not simply about filling time; it’s about exploring whether you fit in each other’s worlds.

What Is Working?

As most folks in the dating scene these days likely already know, dating is a broader, looser arrangement. It can be as light as a casual coffee date or as completely committed as years together — but there’s not necessarily built-in promise that it’s headed anywhere (least of all in the same direction).

It often unfolds as:

• Initially meeting through dating apps, social media, or a mutual friend
• Spontaneous plans: “hey want to grab a drink tonight?”
• Chemistry leading the way while intentions might take a back seat
• The conversation about exclusivity might be daunting, onerous, or might never arrive

While dating can absolutely have the potential to grow into something serious, sometimes it’s as simple as two people sharing sweet moments until one of them quietly (or dramatically, as the case may be) steps away.

Navigating the Path for Yourself 

No more little white gloves are needed to embrace the spirit of a courtship. And there’s no need to be laissez-faire if you prefer dating but want there to be some structure. As long as you remember to move through the relationship with a mindfulness to your individual needs and desires. 

This might look like being honest with yourself before you get involved with someone else. It’s also about being truthful and communicative. Ask for what you need instead of hoping your desires reveal themselves. Watch how the other person follows through. Do they make solid plans with you (and do they keep them)?

If you feel drawn to a courting-style connection, it’s out there for you. Either way, keep a sharp filter and be willing to pass on anything that feels only half-hearted. You deserve the relationship dynamic you desire.